Carnageland (EPUB)

Airy tale creatures who have turned sex into the greatest resource on their planet Ironically the planet they inhabit is made up entirely of what most other beings would consider to be of much greater value They have crystal My Wife's Affair for ground cashor leaves and oil Chicken, Chicken, Duck! for waterThe book alludes to severalairy tale creatures along with several Inspirations fairy tales themselves From Grimm s Fairy Tales and Hans Christian Andersen to modernantasies such as The Chronicles of Narnia and Harry Potter David W Barbee skews and sexualizes everybody s avorite children stories into Bizarro madnessThis is a modern airy tale complete with a moral to be Move Over, Victoria--I Know the Real Secret: Surrendering the Lies That Bind You to the God Who Frees You found hidden under the layers of carnage If Invader 898 is to completely conuer this world he must above all else conuer the last thing he ever thought he d have to himself David Barbee is a National Treasure which is to say he is an action packed thriller starring Nicolas Cage In Carnageland weollow the exploits of Invader 898 as he takes over a planet of hypersexualized Slo Mo! fantasy charactersrom our childhood like Rapunzel and Peter Pan And with his Doomshooter the euivalent of Green Lantern s ring nothing can stand in his way In Poor Mrs. Rigsby fact the only challenge he reallyaces is keeping the green Pirates, Ships, and Sailors flap of skin between his legsrom becoming erect and sounding off like a trumpet I suspect that lap is symbolic of somethingSpeaking of symbolism as a math professor it is my job to highlight some of the key symbolism in this tale Actually that s not true as a math professor it is my job to make un of English professors who look War Made New: Technology, Warfare, and the Course of History: 1500 to Today for key symbolism but let s ignore that The goals of conuest putorward by Inpire Inc are symbolic of the imperialism of Western Civilization The struggle of 898 to control his skin lap while trying To Eradicate Fairy Tale Creatures eradicate airy tale creatures clearly symbolic of a child growing up and getting rid of the trappings of childhood while trying to igure out what in the world is going on between their legs The pornoconomy is symbolic of pornography because sometimes symbolism doesn t have to be at all subtle And the Ninjabreadman is symbolic of Geddy Lee because anything that awesome can only be symbolic of Geddy "LeeAll In All A Fun " in all a Princess Baby, Night-Night fun tale Unfortunately a little short but there s a seuel at David Barbee s website and it can be conueredor The Pentagon Papers: Making History at the Washington Post free A cute intergalactic planetaryable I really liked 898 s rubbery green Improbable Destinies: Fate, Chance, and the Future of Evolution foo dog ninja alien ways especially during the action scenes with the doomshooter These are the moments that moved this book along nicely Also when reading this invasive novel you will see that some inspiration camerom classic tales such as Wizard of Oz Snow White and the Seven Dwarves Humpty Dum. He temptations of the On a Cold Road: Tales of Adventure in Canadian Rock fantasy creatures For an invader victory means promotion andailure means the pink slip of death Carnageland is a perverted odyssey of sci i and antasy shaken and stirred so that only one may emerge ali. Ters save or the protagonist Invader 898 were not going to be too greatly developed and I was delighted by this realization This is after all a book about carnage and I wouldn t be able to enjoy *My Carnage Without Widespread Death And DismembermentThe *carnage without widespread death and dismembermentThe of this world I recognized as Bizarro versions of their airy tale counterparts From Nini fauns and gremlins to the Three Bears and soldier playing cards the whole gamut ofantasyland people are coveredOf note to me was the Captain sailing on a ship of gold and scouring the seas or mermaids to sell into slavery While he shared only two seas or mermaids to sell into slavery While he shared only two with this reader his role was vitally important to understanding the way this particular world spinsOne of my Flight, Vol. 7 favorite ideas contained in this book are the hermaphroditic magicians aptly known as Wizches Self proclaimed rulers of the planet they have even gone soar as to maintain a special school used to train young Wizches into uture leaders They serve as the chief antagonists standing in the way of Invader 898Which brings me to the protagonist of Carnageland a character with a clearly defined goals who literally stops or nothing to achieve them If I could give out a New Bizarro Author Series award or Most Well Developed Character of 2009 it would go to Invader 898 This walking apocalypse is a Zim on acid His entire being was molded and conditioned rom birth to invade invade invade 898 s Camp Rex faith in invasion is stronger than any Zionist jihadist and Fred Phelp s respectiveaiths combined and he uses this vigor to push himself orward in his uest to conuer alien worldsSuper Ego saysAt sixty seven pages long this is the shortest of the our NBAS books but it packs a lot of story into those pages The length is perfect this is a lean point A to point B to point Cetc read that never lets up rom page oneThe story although in third person narrative doesn t stray rom Invader 898 s point of view We experience the action and events as he sees them This does not however prevent the author rom describing the action and events as he sees them This does not however prevent the author rom describing world that 898 is experiencing and it stands as one of the enjoyable aspects of the story The landscapes the buildings the creatures all described beautifully and in as Miles from Kara few words as necessary keeping up with the pace of the action while dazzling the reader with thoughts of a trulyantastic settingThere exists an extreme juxtaposition between Invader 898 and the alien world he invades This creates the main conflict in the story or the protagonist Like any good priest or politician 898 has vowed all his life to suppress his sexual tendencies And like priests and politicians he is constantly tempted by little altar boys and hookers in the orm of Se he's stranded with millions of airy tale whores pornographic ables and magical hermaphrodites Armed only with his Doomshooter and the strange singing trumpet betwixt his legs 898 must complete his mission while resisting Jeez O Petes I m telling you Eraserhead Press has such an uncanny knack or mining new writing talent In Carnageland author David Barbee showcases his talent in a tale that kept me turning the pages and chuckling delightfully BTW have you ever seen the Reverend chuckle delightfully It s pretty Mary Don t tell anyoneThe alien invader 898 has been assigned to violently soften up Carnageland prior to the ull scale invasion Carnageland is a world who

s inhabitants seem 
inhabitants seem mimic all of our avorite childhood stories And not just Rapunzle and dwarves and lying monkeys rom the Wizard of Oz and whatnot but also Bizarro versions of Peter Pan pirates and even Ol Harry Potter And His Harry Potter and his has to slice and dice his way through these popular characters and many many others the wizches were superb 898 must rid any and all opposition to the orthcoming invasion It is 898 s irst mission and he must succeed Glory and a nice little promotion are on the line Originally I was a bit iffy about Carnageland Books containing alien invaders are not really my thingI eyed it or a couple months and kept thinking HmmmmI don t know about this Luckily I was definitely super ultra wrong about my iffy ness Depriving myself of this would have been really really stupidIt s one of the most dementedly cute books I ve ever read All these horrendous and horrible events happen but it manages to be ridiculously cute I mean I Awwwed in a couple placesIt s like a deranged airy tale If I had clinically insane little kids this is what I read to them A treatise on the law of marital rights in Texas for a bed time story While they listened they d munch on home baked Ninjabreadmen cookies and play with 898igurines with ully working trumpet penises Id says3 2 1 BLAST OFF Oh shit me straight to hell the Invaders are coming Look out airy tale creatures 898 has left his Inpire Inc piggy bank homeworld and has one and only one thing on his bulbous mind ConuestNo amount of cold hard cash growing on your crystalline trees is going to stop this Lots of Hearts fucker and his Doomshooter as it meltsaces off auns and shoots grenades into mountainous orgy piles of peopleWho s gonna stop him Maybe the Se7en Dwarves armed to the teeth with jewel encrusted weapons Or perhaps the mysterious Wizches who rule over this planet will have something to say when they see the havoc 898 creates as he enacts his genocide over this soon to be new acuisition or the InpireOf course this all depends on if our little invading Why Diets Make Us Fat: The Unintended Consequences of Our Obsession with Weight Loss friend can keep that singing trumpet tucked in his pants and stay true to his missionLittle Green Man why does your determination turn me on soEgo saysUpon completing theirst Don't Hex with Texas few chapters of Carnageland I uickly discerned most of the charac. Alien invaders They want your planet they want your money and they won't stop until they have it all Invader 898 is about to embark on hisirst assignment but when he is sent to a backwoods planet on the ar side of the univer. Carnageland

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