Patience, My Dear (The Lochmoor Glen Series, uRs and to hell with other people People have internalized this to the point where that commit immoral actions child abduction murder assassinations etc or suffer psychological breakdowns when they finally burn out It is a culture driven by consumerism and consumption at the cost of overseas workers the environment and our shared humanityThankfully things like this The cheap roads were clogged even at six thirty but he was only four blocks from a premium Bechtel freeway and that was eight lanes two dollars a mile and no speed limit Would never happen in AmericaWell at least this would never happen Prison housing prices have really jumped lately Some of these places you do fifteen years labor and come out owing them for food and board Not in the good ole US of AWell at least emergency services will never devolve into this Sir I need to know if the victim is part of our register If she s one of our clients we ll be there within a few minutes Otherwise I m happy to recommend I need an ambulance I ll pay for it I don t care just comeDo you have a credit card sirYes Send someone nowAs soon as I confirm your ability to pay sir This will only take a few seconds Yup no way that happens here in the land of the free and the home of the brave Goddamnit world this book was not supposed to be a how to guideAnyway doomsday prophesying aside this was a very fast read Chapters were just a few pages long and the action jumps among a wide cast of characters The writing is sharp see below for some of my favoriteotes and Barry does a great job bringing this Calitalizm nightmare to life I did think the ending was a bit lacking much like Lexicon but I greatly enjoyed this book in spite of this If you like economic dystopias or just think the setting sounds fun then by all means check this outAlso if you are feeling ambitious start and run your own nation at Nationstates a site affiliated with this bookNow without further ado funhorrifying Artists on Art uotes Companies were getting a lot tougher on labor contracts these days Hack had heard stories At Adidas if youit your job and your replacement wasn t as competent they sued you for lost profitsI want to commandeer your vehicle for Government business We pay three hundred dollars per hour of se plus any necessary repairs Also you have the satisfaction of knowing you ve helped prevent crimes in your communityThree hundred p frontCompanies claimed to be highly responsive but you only had to chase a screaming man through their offices to realize that wasn t trueThere was no place for irony in marketing it made people want to look for deeper meaning there was no place in marketing for that eitherThere are lots of other brilliant and funny lines as well you should read it and see them for yourself A marketopia populated by the rabid people surnamed after the companies they work for An inane world for profit Tongue in the cheek market worshipping leading to perception of capital and enterprise as the pinnacle of human achievement And don t forget your constitutional rights fraud included Add to that all the nice touches The gun of sentimental value The Nike hype The John guy assaulting a gal and all the way threatening to sue her for damages Wow Consider me a Max Barry convert Hey don t worry about it Vice President John said Career change can be very stressful I read that somewhere cHack was a Merchandise Distribution Officer This meant when Nike made The Superior Peninsula up a bunch of posters or caps or beach towels Hack had to send them to the right place Also if someone calledp complaining about missing posters or caps or beach towels Hack had to take the call It wasn t as exciting as it Don't Go Shopping for Hair Care Products Without Me: Over 2,000 Brand Name Products Reviewed Plus the Latest Hair Care Information used to becThey were smiling at him as if he was an eual but of course Hack was on the wrong floorcThen they stuck out their hands I m John Nike Guerrilla Marketing Operative New Products And I m John Nike Guerrilla Marketing Vice President New Products the other suit saidc Hack we need someone who can make snap decisions A fast mover Someone who can get things done With a minimum of fucking around If that s not your style well let s forget we spoke No harm done You stick to Merchandising Vice President John reached for the contract I can sign it now Hack said tightening his gripc Yeah Hack hoped he sounded confident He didn t reallynderstand marketingc So you know what we re going to do He shook his head We re you know what we re going to do He shook his head We re to shoot them Vice President John said We re going to kill anyone who buys a pair c I remember when you could always rely on those little street kids to pop a few people for the latest Nikes Vice President John said
Now people get mugged for Reeboks for Adidas for generics for Christ s sake The ghettos have no fashion sense any people get mugged for Reeboks for Adidas for generics for Christ s sake The ghettos have no fashion sense any other John said I swear they ll wear anything c Um Hack said He swallowed Isn t this kind ofillegal He wants to know if it s illegal the other John said amused You re a funny guy Hack Yes it s illegal killing people without their consent that s very illegal Vice President John said But the estion is what does it cost Even if we get found out we burn a few million on legal fees we get fined a few million bottom line we re still way out in front cHack sat in traffic biting his nails This had not been a good day He was beginning to think that visiting the marketing floor for a cup of water was the worst mistake he d ever madec Well that s cheaper We can make sure we don t take out anyone with means For you know
retribution And you need ten capped so there s a bulk discount We could do this for say one And you need ten capped so there s a bulk discount We could do this for say one cJeeps were one of the safest vehicles on the road Buy had read safe for people in the Jeep anywaycUntil recently Buy had thought that moving to a USA country was the best move he d ever made with the possible exception of changing his name from Jean Paulc I know first aid Not many people did there was too much risk of being sued c Nine eleven Emergency how can I help you I need an ambulance ickly a girl has been shot at the Chadstone Wal Mart mall Certainly sir Can you tell me the girl s name Hayley Hayley something Please come straight away Sir I need to know if the victim is part of our register the operator said If she s one of our clients we ll be there within a few minutes Otherwise I m happy to recommend I need an ambulance he shouted and it was only when water splashed on his hand that he realized he had started to cry I ll pay for it I don t care just come Do you have a credit card sir Yes Send someone now As soon as I confirm your ability to pay sir This will only take a few seconds He looked at the faces around him Someone help her Help her The kid who had loaned Buy his cellular knelt down and held the jacket over the wound A girl began stroking Hayley s hair Buy dragged his wallet out from his back pocket and retrieved his credit card Hayley s eyes were fixed on him I promise he told her I promise I have American Express That s fine sir Could you read your card number to me please Nine seven one four oh three Two shots rang out from somewhere below them close The people around him shrieked and fled only the kid stayed crouching lower six six People were screaming Something hit the ground or one of the Mercedes with a deafening boom Sir Are you there I didn t catch the number sir Nine seven The kid put his hand over Buy s MisterI don t think it matters Hayley was no longer looking at him Her eyes were turned Braving the Elements (Darkness, upward at the Nike Town sign at the fluorescent lights Her face was white Oh no Buy said No please Sir the operator said Can you please repeat your credit card number for me sir Sir Are you there Sir Sir cHack what you just saw was a press release We have no intention of hunting down the people responsible because the people responsible ares All rightc You want to know why Americans took over the world Hack Because they respect achievement Bef. Salary So when John Nike and John Nike executives from the promised land of Marketing offer him a contract he signs without reading it Unfortunately Hack's new contract involves shooting teenagers to build p street cred for Nike's new line of 2500 trainers Hack goes to the police but they assume that he's asking.
Read Jennifer GovernmentOre this was a USA country our ideal was the working class battler for Christ s sake If Australians ruled the world everyone would work one day a week and bitch about the pay He shook his head Then there s the British who thought there was something wrong with making money No surprise they ended p kissing the colony s ass The Japanese they think the pinnacle of achievement is a Government job The Chinese are Communist the Germans are Socialists the Russians are brokewho does that leave Canada America John said The United fucking States of America the country founded on free market capitalizm I tell you those Founding Fathers knew their shit c You mean the one time you did something nice for no reason the person died cHe reddened Well we still need that information It may not seem important to you but this is a serious suit She couldn t help it she looked at his suitcIn order to pursue the perpetrators we need funding yes The Government s budget only extends to preventing crime not punishing it For a retributive investigation we can only proceed if we can obtain fundingcHack said See there s this body in my kitchen You re meant to call first the agent said To set Medical Marijuana up an appointment We can t drop everything just because you walk in cHe smiled Trespass was an assault against property and therefore a crime but fraud was fine fraud was practically a constitutional right like free speechc If asked to write the foreword to some 20th anniversary commemorative edition I would say that Max Barry s Jennifer Government is like a bottle of Diet Neal Stephenson served with a twist of Christopher Moore or perhaps a dash of Tom Robbins There is somethingncannily similar between Snow Crash and Jennifer Government in the comic book pacing in the hyperbolic and impossible but chillingly familiar geo political climate that he illustrates in the characters that reek of auto erotic caricature and yet are so well drawn so believable and sympathetic and damn plausible You can see YT dropping out of school because of girls like Haley McDonald s You can see NRA franchises competing against La Cosa Nostra in the burbclaves You can imagine Hiro Protagonist sub contracted by Jennifer Government to fend off Violet ExxonMobil You wonder how the milieus of these novels aren t linkedBut even if you haven t read Snow Crash even if you aren t making those comparisons you will find this one wholly enjoyable It has an immediate start thrusts you headlong into the story already in progress but makes sure to catch you A Walk Across France up just asickly And it never loses this momentum The chapters coming at you fast each about 3 5 pages and are fairly dialogue driven Before you know it you ll find you ve burned through 100 pages THIS IS NOT A BAD THING The narrative draws you in the prose gets out of the way and the characters encourage you to get investedBorderline 5 star review There is a whimsy to this tale that draws on a lot of familiar dystopian capitalist tropes eg the libertarian anarchy of free market capitalism run amok it borders on cliche but doesn t Nicademus uite cross the frontier into hackneyed territory That it gets that close that the prose taps its toes on cliche s fences is where we lose the fifth star in the rating But that the narrative goes there sonabashedly in all of its over the top banality that is a beautiful thing Back a few years after the turn of the century the world was brand crazy More than that it was murderously brand crazy Remember the debacle around Nike Murders in gangland over shoes Or how about the whole stink surrounding the marketing departments who not only capitalized but doubled down on the policies that made thisYeahWell this novel truly capitalizes on THAT And Max Barry takes it all to its natural conclusion Governments are gutted corporations rule everything Do you want your loyalty rewards How about nfettered capitalism without any restrictions whatsoeverPlease have your credit card handy if you want ambulance service Barry is one of my go to guys now Screamingly fast writing razor sharp commentary and wonderful character driven adventures that often pull some great bait n switches Just who are we supposed to feel compassion for Oh my that IS horrible But just
is Jennifer Government She merely one in a fairly large cast of characters who must be defined by their job I d say the conceit is nrealistic but I recently had to change my name to Brad Writer Branding is everything you know Jennifer Government by Max Berry is pure rock n roll satire turned Turning The Professor Into A Crossdressing, Sissified and Feminized Pet - A Tale of Forced Feminization! up to ten In the fictional world of the novel American corporations run the world But if you think that means we have the peace of pushing around grocery carts and walking around stores looking for the best sales and visiting strip malls on the way home to pickp a hot dog think again Corporations have always been murderously competitive Think Jack in the Box vs McDonald s Think Nike vs Adidas Think of corporate marketing ideas such as the Nike President hiring the NRA to shoot Fortinbras at the Fishhouses up kids at a mall in order to increase the street cred of a new Nike shoe to increase sales After fourteen kids are shot dead sales increase 1000 percent Give that merchandising executive a raiseJennifer Government a government police agent works for the rump power that remains of the United States government Hack Nike works for Nike Buy Mitsui works for Mitsui Billy NRA works for the NRA The last name of people is always that of whom they work for If people don t have a job with a company they have no last name at all Taxes are illegal If the government does any work like fight a fire or investigate a crime they chargepfront before showing p Only the European Union still has governments in control of individual countries taxes and businesses American corporations are in charge of the rest of the world and they always get paid for their services or there is no serviceJohn Nike has a plan He wants to rid the world of what remains of the government He also wants to get rid of the competitor merchandising group called the Team Advantage an aligned co operative group of corporations Nike belongs to the US Alliance which competes with the corporations of Team Advantage The US Alliance is not aware of John Nike s assassination plot But as John knows all an executive needs to do is take charge assignWHO Is Jennifer Government She
People To Tasks People Are Sheep John Nike Is Ato tasks People are sheep John Nike is a He is confident of his schemes One of those schemes is killing the teens who line p to be first to buy the new line of Nike shoes He assigned the murder of the mall kids to an employee Hack NikeIt is surprising to most people how orders from an executive are often obeyed gentle reader no matter how insane the command as is demonstrated in the book and in the real world despite an employee s alms or morals Promise of a raise and job promotion threat of a job loss that is all it ever takesJennifer Government knows John Nike very well She is not aware of his machinations regarding increasing Government knows John Nike very well She is not aware of his machinations regarding increasing popularity of Nike s new 2500 shoes but she is aware of his cold ambitious nature She is busy tracking down the killer of the kids at the mall naware of John Nike s involvement The trail leads her into a maze of corporate ambitions and business alliances all of whom have their own agendas and none know of the others plots The book is absurdist satire Coincidences and close calls and near misses and misunderstandings ensnare all of the characters into grievious difficulties The plot reminds me a bit of what author El Leonard does in injecting fun into his novels but Barry goes in harder and deeper into the land of the absurb creating intensity into the politics of the story rather than invest much than what is necessary for characterization It s a romp through an alternate world well maybe an alternate world where capitalism rules. For a subcontracting deal and lease the assassination to the experienced NRA Enter Jennifer Government a tough talking agent with a barcode tattoo nder her eye and a personal problem with John Nike the boss of the other John Nike And a gun Hack is about to find out what it really means to mess with market forces. .
A satire about neoliberalism leads to its ltimate goal that shows the immense flaws and Les Altaens : Peuple turc des montagnes de Sibrie unlogic of this fairy tale Imagine the opposite of a state dictatorship like communism or state communism with state owned companies and directed market economy Instead companies own everything and the state belongs to them One may ask where there is a difference to our actual si I gave this book 2 stars because I thought it was a good ride but honestly it s only good at all if you can get past the fact that all of the characters are completely one dimensional poorly thought out do things that are totallynrealistic and have little to no motivation to do anything but do things that are completely bizarre Seriously Hack the main character if there is one is like Tess of the D Urbervilles He practically sleepwalks his way through the book and then when he grows a spine it s all pointless The big secret of Jennifer Government s eye tattoo wasn t anything worthwhile either There s so much pointlessness in this book and so much out of the blue action that it makes you wonder how this book got any good reviews at all If anyone in my book club actually reads this I ll be amazed and I d be totally The Possible Police up for discussing how bad it is with anyone who asks This was really fucking good Notite five star read but I m giving it 5 anyway BecauseReview might come If I ever do the other 5000 I ve been promising Jennifer Government maths This is one of my favourite books EVER and I don t give a fishing damn if Some people say it s overhyped and overrated Some people say it s predictable Some people say it s pure badly written crap Some people say all the characters in the story are stupid flat and A Letter To Pakistan unlikeable And I certainly don t give a fishing damn about the book snobs who compare this book to the supposed greatness of novels written by Huxley Orwell Stephenson and the like The reverse book snob in me happens to think all these authors are greatly overrrrrrrated I d rather reread The Duke and I than have to go through Snow Crash or Brave New World again But hey I m clueless enough to think Jennifer Government is one of the coolest books ever so what the shrimp do I know And the moral of this crappy non review is love this book hate this book judge this book I don t give a fishing damn It is and forever will be pure delicious awesomeness to me HaPre review nonsenseestion Is this still one of the coolest books I ve ever read Answer Crappy non review to come In 2025 Or whenever I don t find the time to write it In a word Max Barry is overrated He has no ear for dialogue and his characters are completely flat and forgettable He has an annoying habit of making his female characters drop dead gorgeous and going on at length about just how gorgeous they are And exactly what they re wearing That being said he s got a good enough sense of pacing and enough satirical bite though it never breaks the skin to keep a person reading I mean there has to be some explanation for the fact that I read three of his books in two weeks I find myself irritated with his mediocre writing and tired observations yet Before Our Eyes unable to put his books downntil they re done Jennifer Government is set in a dystopian future in which the individual is so irrelevant that they take on the name of whatever corporation they work for There are some truly funny moments but the book just feels like nfulfilled potential I would say he s like the JJ Abrams of books you kinda like the ideas but the execution blows There is so much I want to say about this book It is so jammed packed with interesting ideas and characters that there are a million places to start Perhaps I ll just get the crude and vulgar out of the way firstThe world of Jennifer Government reads like an Ayn Rand wet dream Corporations have free reign in what is called the United States of America but actually comprises North and South America Australia New Zealand and the British isles or for you George Orwell fans out there Oceania The government makes Nozick s Night watchman state look like Soviet Russia and even most basic services are provided
by companies The teacher jotted something in his folder McDonald s sponsored schools were cheap like that at Pepsi schoolscompanies The teacher jotted something in his folder McDonald s sponsored schools were cheap like that at Pepsi schools had notebook computers Also their niforms were much better But all is not happy go lucky in this Capitalist Paradise Where the government does not have a monopoly on violence those that deal in violence are attracted to the highest bidder A corporate Cold War is on the verge of heating p and in this case the customer isn t always right The battle lines have been drawn Every Team Alliance company is in competition with every TEAM ADVANTAGE COMPANY EVERY CUSTOMER WHO Advantage company Every customer who TA airline will buy a computer from Compa instead of IBM Boeing is with s because otherwise United Airlines won t buy from it With this as the backdrop we are introduce to a wide cast of characters whose threads eventually get entangled with each other and much bigger eventsJohn Nike because in this world you are your job or at least your last name is your company is what John Galt would be if Ayn Rand had a halfway decent editor He condenses Jon Galt s infamous ninety page radio speech into two paragraphs that absolutely represent the spirit of the age Look I am not designing next year s ad campaign here I m getting rid of the Government the greatest impediment to business in history You don t do that without a downside Yes some people will die But look at the gain Run a cost benefit analysis Maybe some of you have forgotten what companies really do So let me remind you they make as much money as possible If they don t investors go elsewhere It s that simple We re all cogs in wealth creation machines that s allI ve given you a world without Government interference There is now no advertising campaign no intercompany deal no promotion no action you can t take You want to pay kids to get the swoosh tattooed on their foreheads Who s going to stop you You want to make computers that need repair after three months Who s going to stop you You want to reward consumers who complain about your competitors in the media You want to pay them for recruiting their little brothers and sisters to your brand of cigarettes You want the NRA to help you eliminate your competition Then do it Just do it He is a ruthless amoral sanctimonious asshole and thrives in the
"World Corporations Have Constructed It "corporations have constructed It my job to increase sales Is it my fault that killing kids to create buzz was the best way to do it If Government had the muscle to enforce the law it wouldn t have made economic sense but they don t and it did this is the world we live in If you don t take advantage of the rules you re a suckerIf it doesn t have a dollar sign in front of it isn t connected to a board of directors or doesn t wear a short skit he isn t interested He is pure id in the empire of idJennifer Government the book s namesake is a bit rougher around the edges hemmed in by Government limitations that prevent her from seeing justice done In order to pursue a murder investigation she has to convince the victims families to pony Who Killed Mohtta up money for a budget The Government s budget only extends to preventing crime not punishing it For retributive investigation we can only proceed if we can obtain funding She fit nicely into the loose cannon cop trope while still delivering both a softer side with her daughter and a interesting backstory than most who populate the trope In a way Jennifer felt bad busting into such a nice place in full riot gear and scaring the crap out of everybody But in another accurate way she enjoyed it a lot The world itself isite dystopian All the places in the USA are homogenized be they LA Australia or England The overwhelming cultural impulse is to do anything to get ahead to get you. In Max Barry's twisted hilarious and terrifying vision of the near future the world is run by giant corporations and employees take the last names of the companies they work for It's a globalised The Last Days of Jesus ultra capitalist free market paradise Hack Nike is a lowly merchandising officer who's not very good at negotiating his.