Autobiography of Mark Twain, Vol. 3 jE of convenience surface suddenly in an overwhelming surge of torrid tenderness that takes you by surprise and sweeps you both away on the crest of wave after thundering wave of She stopped cold Go on go on Mysti begged Lucy shook her head No no that won t work It s got to be the man who rescues the woman Why Mysti was peeved Because it s always the man who rescues the woman Milkum put in And if that s what the public s been buying up until now we mustn t upset them must we p 202 After all romance novels are fantasies read mostly by women into wch they must inject themselves if they re to work such passive consumers aren t likely to be able to identify w active heros now are they Friesner builds her world of Otbix bit by bit character by character eventually reaching the capitol of Kendar s territory Grashgoboum was founded shortly after the War of the Two Cousins Once Removed and Their Aunt Pooki I said The last king in the direct line died accidentally during a friendly game of knoblop when his chicken escaped the scoop net and flew up into his horse s face causing the beast to stumble step into one of the goal buckets and throw his rider Because it was third hork of an exhibition game he hadust taken off his helmet so he could balance the mince pie on his head for extra points Unfortunately mince pies don t help much when you hit a stone wall headfirst It was very tragic That game was being held in honor of the king s engagement to Princess Sluice of Wend p 218 Friesner breaks the rules of some fantasy writing by not sticking to an immutable world She lets her imagination loose lets contemporary Earth intermingle w Orbix in a way that milks the oke value of both Why I ought to With that weird strength you sometimes get in hopeless situations I raised Graverobber over my head and swung the sword wildly around and around And around and around it continued to go The blade glowed with Majyk s golden light and gave off an unearthly chud chud chud chud noise The carpet slowed its fall then stopped and hovered peacefully in midair beneath the whirling blade p 221 Tchah The king waved off her objections I ll see about that He immediately summoned a messenger I shall send him on ahead to Uxwudge Manor with a letter marked with the king s own seal This says Lord Lucius Parkland Gangle is not to begin the witch s trial until I get there King Steffan said showing us the document Then he passed it to the keeper of the king s own seal who in turn held it so that the king s own seal could mark it with his needle sharp teeth Good boy said the keeper tossing the beast a fish Ark ark the king s own seal replied clapping its flippers together before it waddled out Anyone can carve a seal out of soft stone and use it to stamp hot wax with the king s device making a paper legal But no one can forge the uniue pattern one special animal s teeth make which is why the monarchs of Grashgoboum will always live in palaces that smell like herring p 231 Friesner even uses neologisms Imaginesia Mother Toadbreath wispered Don t you mean amnesia toots Scandal asked I said imaginesia What s wrong with the king First you forget everything you ever knew
you remember things you t ever everything you ever knew then youThen You Remember Things You
Remember Things You Didn T Ever Ithings you didn t ever I about it a time or two in my books but I never thought to see an actual case My this has been an educational day She looked pleased p 252 Great word Imaginesia must be what propaganda aims for Zoltan wiggled his fingers and said Verticillium aponica to undue his summoning of a demon Since I recognized that as a Latin name for something Japanese I looked it up found that Verticillium Wilt is a disease of Tilia Bloody Crystal japonica Japanese Linden That might not mean much to you but it s the 2nd time that Lindens have popped up in my life in the recent past under unusual circumstances Anyway yeah another writer I like read her works they re not as important to me as Marco Deseriis s Improper Names but this was enough fun to keep me distracted amused If there were a range of 1 to 10 stars on GoodReads I might even give it a 7 but instead it gets a 3 I love love love love love this book Jolly good fun Looking for Kendar has been at wizard school for six years during which time he s learned pretty much nothing about wizardry Master Thengor is dying he s hoarded majyk and may be about ready to divvy up some of that majyk f Good looking forward to reading the next in the series Zoltan was predictably evil Kendar was than a little naive if not stupid Mother Toadbreath was a wonderful character Grym the cute faced Barbarian was an interesting sidekick and Scandal the talking cat was as loyal and wise like wisecracking and a delight Another Friesner hit Rereading this first read it 20 years ago If you like dialogue with a smart ass cat this book is for you Lots of fun doesn t take itself too seriously Fantasy or Humor Humor or Fantasy Majyk by Accident is both On the planet Orbix Kendar Gangle is known as the worst student at Thendor s Academy of High Wizardry But when he hooks up with a talking earth cat Kendar ends up with majyk than he knows what to do with Literally Esther Friesner has a great way with words Try Majyk by Hook or by Crook and Spilt Heirs too Just a touch of plod in what is mostly a romp306. Y of enemies including aealous wizard named Zoltan Fiendlord a baby faced barbarian a diminutive demon and It's amazing what a little Majyk can Kind of reminds me a little bit of the Xanth series by Piers Anthony This is a reread for me I don t even know how many times I have read it since purchasing it at least 10 years ago It is funny with an anti hero who as he moves through discovery and gains knowledge switches to be a hero with all the perks a hero should have but responsibility tooOverall I would recommend this for anyone who wants a good book they can read over and over review of Esther Friesner s Majyk By Accident by tENTATIVELY a cONVENIENCE April 24 2016 As I typically do I alternate between reading a serious bk at least one that s for fun so that I can take a break from the labor intensiveness that goes into the serious review writing The serious bk read at the same time as this one was Marco Deseriis s Improper Names Collective Pseudonyms from the Luddites to Anonymous I consider the serious reviews to be the important ones but I might very well enjoy things like this Make of that what you will I don t generally read fantasy wch is what I reckon this is given that I prefer science fiction s prophetic yes scientific nature Still this had a good sense of humor sometimes that s all I ask for It starts off w this SO THERE YOU ARE YOU WORTHLESS RATWHACKER Velma Chiefcook s heavy hand fell on my shoulder like a sack of potatoes The great hall of Thengor s Academy of High Wizardry echoed with her harsh voice the huge chandelier overhead swaying the timid fire sprites inside their separate glass cells flickering with fear Even the tall brass bound doors guarding the mighty Master Thengpr s apartments shuddered on their hinges p 1 I reckon this children at the school of magic trope is a well worn path but this was published in 1993 that s 4 yrs before the extremely popular Harry Potter series so maybe Esther Friesner s sitting around wondering why SHE isn t rich instead of J K Rowling As those of you who ve been around know the word magic is usually used to mean stage magic the word magick is usually used to mean ceremonial magick Long ago I proposed to abbreviate the latter to ust magik see my letter under the heeading Sound Thinking on p 14 of Kaos issue 10 London 1987 or 1988 In this bk another variation appears Majyk Tolly breathed He stared at the golden cloud above Master Thengor s bed and his beady blue eyes began to shine with greed It s the stuff that puts the spunk in our spells the energy in our enchantments the charge in our charms the can do in our cantrips Without it we wizards are nothing We could wag our wands until the unicorns come home but if we didn t have a little Majyk we wouldn t be able to turn snakes into snacks or cats into catsup p 11 2 of the main characters are a cat who s come thru into a student wizard s alternate universe the student Cat s are a mythical creature in the student s world The cat speaks in 20th century American slang I don t want to learn how
use it I said ust want to get it all back together get it off my back and get on with my life Okay don t have a cow the cat said So we get the rest of the Majyk together for you if that s what floats your boat I don t have a cow I told him Or a boat No You look like the kinda guy who s always been a little dinghy p 52 Or maybe he s ust 2 tents Orbix the student wizard s world is based on fairy tales Silly uestion everyone knows what happens to wolves They re worse than lemmings some ways The poor dumb animals are always getting themselves killed falling down the chimneys of brick houses into big pots full of boiling water If not that they sneak into old ladies homes dress up in the grannies flannel nightgowns and crawl into the bed until someone finds them panics and calls a woodchopper to come in and take care of the beast It s an awful mess Bloodstain resistant sheets pillow cases and flannel nightgowns are the most popular Grandma s Day gifts on Orbix followed by Wolf B Gon chimney filters p 61 In other words between the fun Friesner has w slang its possible misunderstandings fairy tales their translation into reality there s plenty of fun to be had All in all Friesner s use of the interplay between Earth Orbix is absolutely fructiferous You guys think the wizards on this world got power Ha THEY RE SMALL POTATOES NEXT TO re small potatoes next to old human Now there was a wizard A computer wizard I remember one Columbus Day when he was ust hacking around and he fixed it so one of those big electric news banners on Times Suare kept on scrolling You mean it s NOT flat signed Ronald Reagan p 92 Hacked electronic road signs DO exist regardless of whether the world is round or Frame of Reference shaped there s plenty online about it My friend Lizard I even discussed doing it 30 yrs or so ago never did so I tip my head to all those who ve pulled it off ROGUE PANDA ON RAMPAGE TRAPPED IN SIGN FACTORY FREE KITTENS IN LEFT LANE Entering bat country OMG THE BRITISH R COMING SORRY MARIO THE PRINCESS IS IN ANOTHER CASTLE THE CAKE IS A LIE COPS EVERY WHERE NAZI ZOMBIES RUN RIGHT LANE CLOSED EXPECT RAINBOWS FREE CANDY AHEAD 329 42 POOPY FINGERS THIS SIGN HAS BEEN HACKED THUG LIFE I AM BECOME DEATH EAT MY SHORTS FLYING MONKEYS AHEAD KLAATU BARADA NIKTO YOU LL NEVER GET TO WORK ON TIME HAHA NOBODY HAS EVER LOVED YOU RAPTURE AHEAD HONK IF YOU ARE. Do you believe in MajykKendar Gangle's the worst student magician on the world of Orbix He's a flop at mastering Majyk the stuff that puts spunk in. WEARING A THONG SMOOTH OPERATOR wwwstuffyoushouldknowcombloggalle of course there re even websites that tell you how to do it As an advocate of Criminally Sane behavior w a sense of humor I ust can t stop myself from reproducing this How many times have you driven by an electronic road sign like one of theseThis is the ADDCO portable sign Today you see what is on the inside and how they are programmed to display important information WARNING YOU SHOULD NEVER TAMPER WITH THESE SIGNS The access panel on the sign is generally protected by a small lock but often are left unprotected Upon opening the access panel you can see the display electronicsThe black control pad is attached by a curly cord with a keyboard on the faceProgramming is as simple as scrolling down the menu selection to Instant Text Type whatever you want to display Hit Enter to submit You can now either throw it up on the sign by selecting Run wout save or you can add pages to it by selecting Add page HACKER TIPS Should it will ask you for a password Try DOTS the default passwordIn all likelihood the crew will not have changed it However if they did never fear Hold Control and Shift and while holding enter DIPY This will reset the sign and reset the password to DOTS in the process You re in yeah strictly speaking I wdn t want anyone to commit such an act thoughtlessly in a way that might endanger public safety but if the sign s not currently in use to provide needed traffic info I certainly wd get a laugh if I saw a road sign that sd something like GOD MADE ME NOT DO IT or whatever of course of course there re probably multiple Flat Earth Societies Here s a link to an example wwwtheflatearthsocietyorgcms Personally I think the Earth s hollow but it s been turned inside out the former outside is now filled w well nigh impenetrable garbage Or maybe that s the future The only problem with the holes was whenever a wind blew over them even a breeze you heard music It wasn t great music but the way it wandered up and down the Ichthyonic Scale was kind of hypnotic Entire civilizations fell under the music s spell Healthy men and women would ust sit around in white rooms staring at shiny crystals and telling everybody how they were really Master Pasmoddle the Great from the Age of Large Pointy Animals so they didn t need to go out and get a Blue Is for Nightmares job Scandal scowled at Grym And I bet your tribe decided they were the giant horned hamsters huh The barbarian tried to look Who me I picked up the cube This is what Orbix looked like in the Age of Teen Death Ballads the one that cameust before the age we re in now It didn t last too long we never know when the next shape shift s going to come but we got a lot of good music out of it p 95 Scandal the cat is having none of it Perhaps an honorary membership in the ISCDS International Stop Continental Drift Society is in order I changed my mind Scandal replied keeping his eyes on the path I m happier I changed my mind Scandal replied keeping his eyes on the path I m happier knowing I mTo Use It I Said
saner not knowing I m telling myself it was the Plate Tectonics Fairy who did it Who Yeah shenot knowing I m telling myself it was the Plate Tectonics Fairy who did it Who Yeah she together with Tinkerbell and Glinda for a wild party one Saturday night downed a few too many teuila and pixie dust shooters then went home and zapped Orbix so every few aeons it gets the geological hiccups Gee that s amazing I was really impressed Except for the names you got it right p 96 She tossed a pinch of blue dust over the churning gunk in the pot then spit into it Immediately a gigantic bubble formed itself on the surface then broke free and bobbed across the room A perfect double of Scandal floated inside p 141 Scandal s spitting image so to speak Yeah yeah you got it without my having to spell it out for ya Friesner does however spell it out for ya w this interesting distinction I am a witch not a wizard Wizardry s the art of making something out of nothing witchery s the art of making do with what you ve got I can make a pine cone sprout into a lovely set of pinewood furniture I can capture the image of a cat in the reflective surface of a soap bubble I can make a rock into a rocking chair but I can not make a mop out of thin air p 142 then of course there s always reading entrails Is that what surgeons do Entrails My stomach lurched All good wizards are taught how to read entrails You take a poor innocent animal give it a tidbit pat it on the head then split it open spread its insides out on a board and read the future in the twists curves colors and markings of your victim s guts Given a choice I d rather Heroes Die just wait for the future to get here I always cut Introductory Entrails p 151 Kendar the student wizard has a family Ah familiesWhere can I find Dad Mom I asked Hmmm It s not meal time Killing something p 178 Your brother Basehart killed his first deer when he was six years old Dad s moustache bristled with pride Just a fawn it was but he strangled it with his bare hands and I said to all my friends Now there s a child of destiny p 179 A parody of romance novels fits right in Butust as you are about to drown her faithless but adored name on your lips she dives in and rescues you almost dying herself in the attempt You take her into your arms and gaze into her eyes The fires of unbridled love long smoldering beneath the thin surface of a polite marriag. Spells until he chases an Earth cat called Scandal into a Majyk cloud Now Kendar has the biggest supply of Majyk on Orbix and an even bigger suppl.